I recently read a devotion* entitled "Sippy Cup Trust" in which a mom talks about how her little son became panicked whenever he dropped his sippy cup and could not get it by himself. He would begin to yell and cry until she gave it back to him. If she took a few minutes to give it to him or had to do something else first, his panicked yelling and crying would become louder and louder. She would reassure him that she would get the cup in a minute, but he would begin to flail his arms and legs into a tantrum. She often found herself thinking, "Doesn't he know I see it fall? Doesn't he hear me when I say that I will get it? Why can't he trust that I will do what I say?" Over time she realized that this struggle with her son paralleled the struggle that she was often having with God - not remembering that He sees all, not trusting that He will handle things better than she could, not trusting that He will keep the promises that He has given to her (and all of us) in Scripture.
A huge parenting struggle in our home has been that I have been wrestling (only figuratively of course) with my 5 year old for control in our relationship. She has her own ideas and is trying very hard to assert them. While we value her ideas and intelligence, Scripture makes it clear that in a Christian home, CHILDREN MUST OBEY THEIR PARENTS. I have spent a lot of time talking about God-pleasing obedience being 1) immediate, 2) with a happy heart, and 3) thorough. Simple compliance doesn't do the trick. It is my responsibility to teach her that she needs to be in the habit of obeying those whom God has put in authority.
As I thought about this family struggle in relation to the sippy cup devotion, it dawned on me that I was like the mom in the devotion. The struggle that I was having with my daughter was a picture of my current relationship with God! I have been wrestling with Him just as my daughter has with me! Knowing that God demands obedience from His children hasn't stopped my heart and mind from questioning and rebelling these past months. Sophia isn't being obedient to me in a God-pleasing way and I am not being obedient to my Heavenly Father the way that He wants me to. My brain knows that God sees all, that His word promises that His plan for my life is being carried out, and that I can trust him absolutely. But that same mind and my hurting heart are in rebellion.
I spend my time trying to teach my precious child about obedience, but how do I – God’s precious child – learn to be more immediately, cheerfully and thoroughly obedient to my Lord? First, I look at who I am. I am a sinner and because of that I cannot obey God. My natural, sinful will is to disobey. Yet through saving faith in Jesus, I have been washed clean. The Holy Spirit is dwelling in my heart. In thankfulness for Jesus’ saving death and with his Holy Spirit dwelling in my heart, I arise daily with the desire to obey my Heavenly Father. As I read God’s Word and spend time in prayer I come to know my God better. I understand WHO my God is and what His good and perfect will is. My will begins to be more and more in line with the will of God.
If I try to think of good examples of Christian obedience, the apostles are some of the Bible folks who come to mind. In Matthew 4 we are told that when Jesus said, “Come follow me” the disciples “at once … left their nets and followed him.” THAT is God-pleasing obedience. They didn’t hem and haw. They didn’t check their accounts to see if they could afford it. They didn’t even go home and consult their families. They obeyed IMMEDIATELY! That is an amazing example of God-pleasing obedience!
David, too, is an example of obedience. Can that be? Can an adulterer, murderer, and liar be a great example of obedience. YES! Although David was definitely all of those sinful things, through faith in God he was also obedient. David repeatedly had the opportunity to harm or kill his assailant, King Saul, but he did not out of obedience to God. David’s obedience shows that he placed his full trust in God. Even in the desert David sang to the Lord, “I love you, Oh Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.” (Psalm 18:1-3) Knowing that David, full of sin that was plain to see, was also a “man after God’s heart” and at many times in his life was very obedient to the Lord helps me to see that I can be obedient as well.
David yearned for the Lord. He talked to the Lord. The disciples spent their days and nights with Jesus – listening and learning. THIS is how I can become more obedient to my Lord. Did David and the disciples have moments of doubt that led to disobedience? They certainly did. God shares some of these moments of weakness with us in Scripture. He doesn’t share them with us just so that we can wipe our brows with a big “WHEW, they were sinful too!” of relief, but to help us see that God works in, through, and despite our mistakes. Does our disobedience and lack of trust make things harder in earthly life? Often it does. If you look at the lives of Bible believers, you will see that is the case for them too. David sure made his life harder when he had an affair with Bathsheba and then fixed it up with murder. Jonah ran from God and God saved him from drowning. Spending a few days in a fish’s belly can’t have been easy though. Maybe immediate obedience would have been easier?
Ever since she began afternoon kindergarten, Sophia is exhausted in the evenings and finds many reasons to be upset. One night as we were sitting down to a dinner of salmon and brussel sprouts (both of which Sophia actually loves) she came to the table crying and yelling that she wanted to eat a sandwich for dinner and WOULD NOT eat anything else. My patient husband filled her plate with the food that was being offered and got her to be quiet, pray, and eat. By the third or fourth bite, the crying seemed to be a faint memory (to her!) and with a big smile on her face she said, "Papi, I love salmon." How much easier, for Sophia and all of us, wouldn't it have been if she could have been obedient from the beginning. If my daughter's thoughts had been obedient, her behavior would have looked completely different. God-pleasing behavior is a reflection of God-pleasing thought.
So where does that leave me- the mom of a child with special needs who often feels that life is just not what I want? In thankfulness to my Lord and out of love for Him I want my thoughts to be obedient to him. And yet, I want my son to walk and talk. I want to have a larger family. I want typical sibling relationships for my daughter and I want my son to live a long, healthy life that includes things like marriage and children. I want an earthly life for my family that looks different than than what I have been given. This whole “special needs lifestyle” of adaptive equipment and medical interventions makes me want to run away like Jonah.
I look around me and it seems that most of the families we know get exactly what I want. They don’t even have to try. They have healthy baby after healthy baby. Their lives aren’t revolving around adaptive equipment, hospitals, and therapies. How do I bend my will to God’s in this most difficult thing? How do I trust my God who has allowed things into my life and my child’s that I am not particularly excited about? Knowing that He promises to work through them definitely helps, but just knowing doesn’t take the rebellion out of my heart.
The good news for me is that just like Sophia has a patient father who works her through her disobedience, I have a heavenly Father who describes himself as a shepherd who rejoices when one sheep re-enters the fold. This Shepherd loves me enough to work with me, through my bouts of disobedience. He forgives me when I wrestle with him and refuse to accept his will for my life. He offers closeness with himself to me in the pages of Scripture. Through the words of Scripture He comforts my wounded and rebellious heart. As He is doing this, his Holy Spirit is residing in my heart, making my will resemble the Lord’s – more and more everyday.
So to rid myself of my rebellion toward God’s will I can confess my disobediences to him and then immerse myself in getting to know His will better. I can bathe in the Psalms, drink the Gospels, and surround myself with His promises. The Bible tells us that His Word never comes back empty. That applies to outreach and nurture. When our hearts are nurtured in God’s Word, His Word will work on them.
So today let us pray, as the parents of children with special needs, that whatever is causing our hearts to rebel against our God will be soothed with God’s Word. May we look to Him to ease us out of our disobedience. May he inhabit our hearts and make them His dwelling place. Our actions will show this indwelling and our hearts will become obedient.
*The Heart of a Mother
Compilation by Wayne Holmes
Bethany House Publishers, 2003
Sippy Cup Trust by Tamara Rice
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